This post is an update to my announcement I Have Cancer – And It’s Okay, as well as a follow-up to My Body Is Changing and I Don’t Know How To Feel About It. If you haven’t read either of those posts, I recommend starting there.

Paperself Gold Leaf Tattoos

Last Sunday started off innocently enough. My friend Kelly very kindly brought over Dough doughnuts for some post-surgery friend love and we lost track of time gossiping. I was scheduled to attend an IBM Tony Awards watch party later that evening, followed by the Tony Awards Gala at the Plaza. Black tie requested, naturally. It all felt like getting ready for adult prom in the very best of ways. Kelly graciously applied gold metallic Paperself tattoos to my back and I started to prepare for a glamorous night that would provide me with stories for years to come. Ask me about Helen Mirren and sandwiches, for example.

As I was waiting for my nails to dry (Sally Hansen Miracle Gel in Punk-ish Purple to match my tattoos) and watching Mad Max: Fury Road, everything turned pear-shaped. I made frantic calls to my oncologist’s office, waited for the service to call me back, and ruined my manicure. My once-miraculous bodysuit became a spandex prison and there was a short period of time where I wondered if I would die alone in my bathroom.

I immediately told my friends what was happening. Lorna came over to take care of Lola (bless you) and Rachel biked over to come with me to the emergency room. A tense Uber ride later, I was swiftly escorted into the ER and seen immediately. Dina arrived from the beach and Xavier brought a Pret-a-Manger buffer. The once glimmering hope that I could slip away from the doctors, back to Brooklyn, and still make the Gala disappeared as they kept me overnight for observation. The upside of hospital gowns is that my nurses had great views of my tattoos. At least someone enjoyed them.

On a brighter note, the temporary tattoos were very easy to remove, sparing myself from the cruel reminder of the evening that could have been. I’ve tried several different brands of tattoos and the Paperself designs have the perfect wear time for an event. No one wants a half faded design continuing to exist for a week after application. It’s not cute.

In terms of recovery, this was a pretty big setback to my overall health. It’s likely that I won’t see the beach or totally resume normal activities until mid-July. While mentally I’m ready to get back in the race, physically I need to slow everything down to a crawl. Keep an eye out for the story of how I almost passed out on one of my favorite YouTubers. It’s a great one (insert sarcastic eye roll here).

  • A Girl’s Gotta Spa!

    These are super pretty! I’m sorry to hear about the rest though. 🙁 I wish there were “this sucks the big one” emojis that I could insert here.